Get Rich Quick: UFC Predictions
No better way to drag yourself out of a hole than by making some money on two guys trying to beat the shit out of each other. This weekend, we got quite the opportunity to cover the rent with some JUICY underdogs on this upcoming UFC card: Dariush vs Tsarukyan. If pounding every underdog makes me retarded, then Saturday night could be the best investment a tard has made since Forest Gump with that fruit company.
We’ll start with an absolute nuke in Bobby Green sitting at almost a 2-1 underdog. He’s hot as shit this year winning his last two fights. He knocked Grant Dawson out in about four seconds and beat the shit out of whatever was left of Tony Ferguson. Jalin Turner on the other hand is tough but also just lost to Dan Hooker, who’s claim to fame is blocking 300 of Dustin Poirier’s strikes with his face. I think this is a pretty even fight and can see it going either way, which is why at these odds you gotta pound Bobby Green.
Next up, we got the ripped-up dwarf version of salt bae, Deiveson Figueiredo sitting at plus money against Rob Font. This is Figs’ first fight up at 135 but the guy pretty much cut off an arm and a leg to make 25 so I don’t think he’ll be too undersized for this jump. Every time Rob Font fights, the UFC will try to convince you that he’s this crazy high level striker but this is where you get mentally tough and refuse to fall for this psy-op! The dude has legitimately gotten out sriked by over 100 every time he has fought a top guy in the past couple years (Aldo, Sandhagen, and Vera). His only two recent wins are against Garbrandt and Yanez. On top of that, you gotta go back a few years to remember the Figs has absolutely ridiculous power. He’s fought Brandon Moreno 12 straight times in the past three years who could eat a brick to the face better than Marv in Home Alone. Before that the dude was finishing literally everyone. I’m going with the dog in this one again.
To end the night, we got Tsarukyan vs Dariush. Again, no idea who’s making these odds. Dariush coming in at around +210 is fricken wild. I feel like the guys an underdog almost every fight and has won all of them except the last one against Oliveira. Everyone and their mother (other than Islam) has gotten finished by Do Bronx in the past few years. It’s the in thing to do in the past few years ask any top five lightweight. Also, Dariush over Gamrot, Gamrot over Tsarukyan, it’s called the transitive property…look it up. MMA math is never wrong! I’m going Dariush.
Other underdogs to consider on this card are Gastelum going down to 170, Jared Gooden against Wellington Turman, that guy should’ve lost to Sam Alvey, and Clay Guida. No logic on the Guida pick other than if you don’t sprinkle a little bit on him you just hate fun and I don’t wanna be friends with you.
Written By: Stephen Glansberg
