Undefeated ‘24…
As Hawk Harrelson would say, “In order to go undefeated, you gotta win the first one.” Undefeated 2024 starts today. Not too shabby of a card today but I’m a little bummed Manel Kape blew weight I wanted to see that fight. He said on his Instagram that he was sick a couple weeks ago so he couldn’t make it. Having another man do a whole fight camp and cut to 125 pounds just for you to bitch out last minute should be a felony in my opinion. Now there’s just a grown ass man who cut to 125 for literally no reason just out in the wild. Kape should have to post bail after Nicolau gets the next best thing which is assaulting a drunk middle-aged man at a bar this weekend. You know those little fuckers got a heavy case of the Napoleon complex. Anyways, maybe after we rake in all of the cash on today’s card we can help the boy Matt Nicolau out ourselves. Here are my top three picks for the card and reasoning for each below.
#1: Phil Hawes ML +110: Coming in as a slight underdog we got Phil (Dunphy) Hawes. I think the only reason Hawes is the underdog is because he’s coming off of two losses but both were to absolute hammers, Roman Dolidze and Ikram Aliskerov. You don’t even have to be a fight fan to know those aren’t bad losses look at the names on those guys. This mfs name is Phil…of course he lost. On the bright side for my man Phil he’s got a great wrestling background, wrestled at Iowa State and Wartburg, and his hands have gotten much better over the years as well. Great value in this pick, I’ll always ride with the wrestler in “toss-up” fights. Also, everyone his opponent Bruno Ferreira has fought thus far has been absolute dog water so don’t let his record fool you.
#2: Ankalaev, Simon, Nolan parlay +135: Not the best odds for a 3-legger but in order to make money you have to pick the guys that are going to win so that’s the strategy here. I think Tom Nolan decapitates this Motta guy. He’s a crazy Aussie who decapitated his guy on the contender series a little bit ago. I think they’re just sending Motta out to slaughter against him because that dude is fucking trash. I think Nolan gets another highlight reel KO pretty early in this one. Next, we got Ricky Simon. Love Ricky. Dude’s a unit at 135 and has a bunch of solid wins including one over Merab and Jack Shore. Gonna be honest, this Bautista guy has been scaring me a little bit he looks pretty solid as well. I think this will be the fight of the night but some Ricky takedowns and ground control should edge this one out. Lastly, we got Ankalaev in there to add a little cherry on top. Despite being named after his parents favorite bottle of scotch and having a few great recent showings, I think Ankalaev is just way too technically sound for Johnny Walker. Also, If any of you guys speak Russian and want to tell my main man Magomed to lay off the illegal knees in this fight that’d be dope.
#3: Andrei Arlovski ML +525: Gotta risk it for the biscuit with this one. I think Arlovski is beyond washed however, this is pretty much a bet that Waldo is just even worse. I’ve watched Waldo fight a couple times, the dude is just not good. His background is literally baseball…cmon. He’s got wicked power but is sloppy as can be. We just need Arlovski to not get chinned in the first minute and we got a fighting shot here. There is a big chance he does get smoked early because I’m a dumbass but I would literally take anyone with these odds over a baseball player. Unless it’s Carlos from Benchwarmers or Pedro Cerrano, I’m not picking a baseball player to win an MMA fight.
Thanks for reading, hope all 7 of you are having a great new year so far.
Yours truly, Michelle Obama
